睡不着

不知道是那难喝的摩卡咖啡
还是自己本来就睡不着。。。
反反复复就是不肯合上双眼。。。

这一个月走来并不容易，
但也不至于走不到下一步。
我很明白，更庆幸，
这一路有上帝陪伴我。。。
帮助我。。。给我力量。。。
帮我摆平许多人于事，
让我现在还能够请得到假，
陪伴妈咪看医生。。。

当昨晚听到妹说妈咪传简讯说她很miserable，
我整个心碎了。。。真的很难过，
到现在胸口还是疼痛着。。。
无声的眼泪拦也拦不住，
连哭也不能放声的哭。。。
我真的好想跟莫人说，借个肩膀哭。。。
但我不能，不可以。。。

不能哭! 眼泪不可以流!
哭能解决问题吗？
能带走胸口上的疼痛吗?
眼泪又可以带来什么吗？

跟谁说都不好，
况且说了也帮不上，
还是免了。

上帝，
我只能靠你了。
我承认我没有全部的答案，
但我有你，你有的是答案，
有的是能力，有的是爱我的心。。。
我相信你会妥善地为我解围，
为我家人提供他们需要地，
包括我无法给的。。。
我们需要你，
我需要你！

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Hectic April and Impt 7 May 2011

Despite the busy schedule and the exasperations, i still find this entry a must… milestone must!

Hectic work schedule did not help when you realized that there is no one else at home other than yourself and yr beloved mum… switching and trying to make time to get all the work done in unfair circumstances vs a mum who is constant complaining abt her ailing body only prompted me to get all on site work done and bring the rest hm to do after cooking dinner and washing up. Frankly, i am dying…

Then the GE has to come stick one leg coming in, frankly with all the media overload, the information flooding in, all the rally with tweets and update etc… i can barely breathe… to the point i really wanna just shout at everyone to shut down and give me some quiet time to do the things i have to… and the most impt of all is the 5 yearly decision!

Its not a uncommon thing to hear young ppl still undecided on their choices even at the 11th hr… overheard from ppl drinking, overhead in the lift, overheard all the conversations ppl are having around… they are barely breathing from all the information coming down on them, despite them following the GE2011 closely in every possible means they can.

Personally, i really had to come down to what the main issues i am concern with, what do i want for myself and this land i call home. What are working and what are not? Who is really working for us, and who are for themselves? Who are the real opportunists and who are the truly respectable? I finally came down to 1 critical question, and with it i am able to arrive at my choice.

Frankly, there is no true winning or losing at the GE results, its only the beginning! True victory comes when our country does better, our lives changed for the better!

Choosing

Finally gave up on work and came hm ard 10plus 11pm... had dinner then wash up then laze ard... after feeling like its a long, i come to realized its only been 2 hrs of staring into space...

Suddenly, waves of thoughts to consider and balance, new project hijacked me on surprised, then questions asking me if i wanna go into sales... wow, i really dunno wat to think...

I think i dun wanna live my life so hectic...
I dun wan to come hm so late everyday exhausted to max...
I want to learn new things...
I want to get decently paid... decently rewarded...
I dun think i like this company...
I dunno where i am heading in this job...
I dun see a future in this...

I am tired... i really need a good quality rest!

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躲

好想 好想 逃离这里的一切
把全部掛在我肩上扁担都推掉
找个好地方躲起来！

所以旅行是势在必行！


但看来看去。。

我才发现。。。

我最想去的地方。。。

最想做的事是。。。



躲进你怀里！


Ps. I bet u dunno that u are the u...

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March 2011

我看这又紧张又害怕又难过的心情应该会一直延续下去。。。

直到到新的工作开始。。。

莫名

莫名的紧张，莫名的害怕，莫名的难过。。。 我是怎么了?

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原来傻傻的人是我

没注意到你的反应，也不知道有没有她说得那么大。。。 但听了还是挺高兴的。。。 是有一点笑到合不拢嘴。。。

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接下来的打算

终于上网申请工作了，

猎人公司也很快地联络上我，

但是他们是为新加坡科技的其中一家分公司服务；

果然，我还是逃不出STEE的手掌心！

 

原本只计划去一趟曼谷三天两夜的假期，

如果真的被那公司录取的话，

我想我也是时候实行对朋友的成诺。。。 去一趟悉尼。。。

Irreversible

最终

终于分开了...
就这样结束了...
Game over!

虽然早知道结局是这样，
但心行还是一样的...
难过。

眼睛... 热泪满眶
身体... 精疲力竭

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2PM – I Can’t

그대 올 때까지 기다릴게 Cuz I can’t forget your love

Geu-dae ol ddae-ga-ji gi-da-ril ge Cuz I can’t forget your love

눈물이 흐를 것 같아 그대 생각만 하면

Nun-mul-i heu-reul geot gat-a geu-dae saeng-gak-man ha-myeon

갈수록 깊어만 가 I can’t stop thinkin’ about your love

Gal-su-rok gip-eo-man-ga I can’t stop thinkin’ about your love

잊을 수 없을 것 같아 그대 모든 걸

Ij-eul su eobs-eul geot gat-a heu-dae mo-deun-geol

믿을 수 없을 것 같아 그대 돌아 온다면

Mid-eul su eobs-eul geot gat-a geu-dae dol-a-on-da-myeon

I can’t forget your love

언제까지라도 난 그대 올 때까지 기다릴게

Eon-je-gga-ji-ra-do nan geu-dae ol ddae-gga-ji gi-da-ril-ge

I can’t forget your love

언제까지라도 기다릴게

Eon-je-gga-ji-ra-do gi-da-ril-ge

Cuz I can’t I can’t forget your love

그대 생각에 잠 못드는 밤을 지새우다

Geu-dae saeng-gak-e jam mot-deun-neun bam-eul ji-sae-u-da

흐를것 같은 눈물을 참지 못해 가끔 혼자 I cried

Heu-reul-geot gat-eun nun-mul-eul cham-ji mot-hae ga-ggeum hon-ja I cried

이 세상에 그대 밖에 없는 나였기에

I ses-ang-e geud-ae bakk-e eobs-neun na-yeot-gi-e

그대를 잃고 내게 남은 것은 아무것도 없었어

Geu-dae-reul ilh-go nae-ge nam-eun geos-eun a-mu-geot-do eobs-eoss-eo

So I can’t forget your love

I can’t forget your love

언제까지라도 난 그대 올 때까지 기다릴게

Eon-je-gga-ji-ra-do nan geu-dae ol ddae-gga-ji gi-da-ril-ge

I can’t forget your love

언제까지라도 기다릴게

Eon-je-gga-ji-ra-do gi-da-ril-ge

Cuz I can’t I can’t forget your love

잊으려고 해 본적도 없어 내겐 가치 없는 일이라서

Ij-eu-ryeo go-hae bon-jeok-do eobs-eo nae-gen ga-chi eobs-neun il-i-ra-seo

그댈 떠올리는 일이 매일 내게는 숨 쉬는 것 만큼 소중해

Geu-dael ddeo ol-li-neun il-i mae-il nae-ge-neun sum swi-neun geot man-keum so-jung-hae

So I can’t forget your love do you know that I need your love

I need your everything I need you back

기다릴 수 있어 till you come back

Gi-da-ril su iss-eo till you come back

Come back to me

So I can’t forget your love

I can’t forget your love

언제까지라도 난 그대 올 때까지 기다릴게

Eon-je-gga-ji-ra-do nan geu-dae ol ddae-gga-ji gi-da-ril-ge

I can’t forget your love

언제까지라도 기다릴게

Eon-je-gga-ji-ra-do gi-da-ril-ge

Cuz I can’t I can’t forget your love

So I can’t forget your love

I can’t forget your love

언제까지라도 난 그대 올 때까지 기다릴게

Eon-je-gga-ji-ra-do nan geu-dae ol ddae-gga-ji gi-da-ril-ge

I can’t forget your love

언제까지라도 기다릴게

Eon-je-gga-ji-ra-do gi-da-ril-ge

Cuz I can’t I can’t forget your love

I just wanna be with you
I just wanna be with you

Translation

I’ll wait you Cuz I can’t forget your love
I think the tears flow when thinking about you

Deepening toward the I can’t stop Thinkin about your love
Can’t seem to forget everything you
Can’t seem to believe that if you come back

I can’t forget your love
I’ll wait until I’m forever
I can’t forget your love
I’ll wait forever
Cuz I can’t I can’t forget your love

I sleep on the nights you
Sometimes I can’t bear to tear herself as I cried

You are not only the world
The last thing you had nothing to lose

So I can’t forget your love

I can’t forget your love
I’ll wait until I’m forever
I can’t forget your love
I’ll wait forever
Cuz I can’t I can’t forget your love

Have you ever tried to forget those things because there’s value to me
Last time reminding each and every precious to me as my breathing
So I can’t forget your love do you know that I need your love
I need your everything I need you back
Can not wait till you come back
come back to me

I can’t forget your love
I’ll wait until I’m forever
I can’t forget your love
I’ll wait forever
Cuz I can’t I can’t forget your love

I can’t forget your love
I’ll wait until I’m forever
I can’t forget your love
I’ll wait forever
Cuz I can’t I can’t forget your love

I just want a be with you
I just want a be with you

On my free day!

Today, 25th Feb 2011, i am on leave… i applied for leave and obtained this day of relaxed and guilt free breather day. Generally, i have only this day to get my car insurance paper work done so that the dates to my road tax dues are aligned. 5 days after, and i will be road tax problem free!

A stress-free day would also mean, i do not stress my car and definitely not stressing over the road traffic! So, technical today is also my NO-CAR Day! My dear Alfie is home resting in his best spot, and i am here leisurely waiting for my dear friend to get off work. Nothing too strenuous, just dinner and heading home together after that… maybe a spot of wine if we feel up to it.

Hmm… i do seem to be starting to appreciate time apart from work, and not turning into home/couch potato!

Thank you Jesus for such a wonderful day!

and for the month of Feb

I thought it might be good to force myself to write something here, so that i may have the words to write again as before. Not so sure if i am blocked by my lack of vocab or did i just ran out of things to say... after all, i am also a little afraid of repetition over and over and over and over and over and over again; becos i know i am capable of that, not to mention a little tendency to do tat too...

SO the month of Feb, month of the Chinese Lunar New Year, the month where everything slows down becos contractors and sub-contractors refuse to work. Unfortunately, it did not make any of us have an easier time either...

Its a love hate month, a time where i have 2 public holidays but no time to rest becos of visitations and big family reunion dinners with pretty much the same every year.

But 2011... in the midst of the "long tong bang", an tiny flame lit up... this flame is carefully protect by 2 pairs of hands who hope to bring the flame to a height where protection of a different will be needed.

DO you think we will get there?

DO you think its not feasible?

There's no harm trying, becos its a zero $ startup that does not require any capital.
We can regulate the process flow so that we do not need to come up any dollar and cents.

But we do need one thing!

ABBA ABBA,
You saw the birth of this little flickering idea, waving away in the wind. You are the good God who is all knowing and all wise, you will lead our paths and we will follow your paths that drips with goodness and abundance!

Lord, i pray that the vision for this little one will not be lost in the midst of the race. I pray ABBA you bless us and bless this little idea, we command this little idea to grow... to be fruitful and multiple!

We pray that you will bless us and bless us indeed, we pray that Lord you will extend our territories. Lord, we pray that your hand may be upon us always and keep us from harm and pain. ABBA, we pray that we will bring love and hope and not pain to ppl around us.

We give thanks and praise in the mighty and lovely name of Yahwah, AMEN!!!

Courage for loan

I guess i have yet to understand what does it mean to LIVE, what is living the cherished moment, what is being ALIVE...

There is so much to learn, and even more to put it action in our daily lives. Like i said before, i need courage, i think i need to borrow some...

Who can give me courage, who can lend me some guts, who can help me to live without being afraid of the unknown and not fear the haunting past...

 

I think i found the lender of courage, the fountain of hope...

Thank you... thank you very much...to my "Yes, i love you."

Taking covers...

In an empty fast food outlet, I chose to sit in the corner, behind him...

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2011-01-19

I am truly grateful for God's grace and favor... its most definitely His doings that I received much patience and tolerance from the people around me.

As much as people gets frustrated with me and I am with them, its simply means a time of rest is required.

And tis very moment, I am learning to rest and enjoy this rare moment of giving both God and myself a little time to ourselves.

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Jabez's Prayer

I should never have doubt God over words of men, how silly of me!



1 Chronicles 4:9-11 (Today’s New International Version, ©2005)

9 Jabez was more honorable than his brothers. His mother had named him Jabez,[a] saying, “I gave birth to him in pain.”

10 Jabez cried out to the God of Israel, “Oh, that you would bless me and enlarge my territory! Let your hand be with me, and keep me from harm so that I will be free from pain.” And God granted his request.

11 Kelub, Shuhah’s brother, was the father of Mehir, who was the father of Eshton.

Believe 2011

I had never taken it seriously, resolutions are merely empty talks in the wind... in reality its just things u know that will not happen; so what is the point of having it when it will only make u feel disappointed, upset, and frustrated?

I guess i really missed the point all together, i'm not sure if it was complacency or disappointment, but it did led me down the road that made me think God is so far out my reach that i no longer fit in any more. What i mean to say is, where has my hope gone? Where is my expectation of good?

Today God rememebered me; He sent a certain man to a certain disciple as encouragement, He sent a certain man to restore the smile on the certain disciple, He sent a certain man to bring that disciple home.

Today is a new day, today is a new year, today is a new beginning.

As like previous years, my church urged us to list 3 things that we want to SEE happen by the end of 2011. And this time i am taking it seriously, i am going to participate for my own sake, i am going to believe!

I want to believe in God again, i want to have faith in Him again.


1. Have faith in God, have expectation of good at all times.
KPI : Keep prayer list, give God his due credits!

2. Perfect Health
KPI : Healed from obesity, wear size 12 clothing.

3. To love the God sent life partner.
KPI: Stop being defensive.

God, you are omnipotent, i leave these 3 items in yr hands. I am not going to do anything, i will be waitng to see all this come to pass by end 2011. Thank you Lord in advance. In Jesus's name, Amen.

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親愛的Selina 我們等你回來

Numbers 23:19

“God is not a man, that He should lie, nor a son of man, that He should repent. Has He said, and will He not do? Or has He spoken, and will He not make it good?