Courage for loan

I guess i have yet to understand what does it mean to LIVE, what is living the cherished moment, what is being ALIVE...

There is so much to learn, and even more to put it action in our daily lives. Like i said before, i need courage, i think i need to borrow some...

Who can give me courage, who can lend me some guts, who can help me to live without being afraid of the unknown and not fear the haunting past...

 

I think i found the lender of courage, the fountain of hope...

Thank you... thank you very much...to my "Yes, i love you."

Taking covers...

In an empty fast food outlet, I chose to sit in the corner, behind him...

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2011-01-19

I am truly grateful for God's grace and favor... its most definitely His doings that I received much patience and tolerance from the people around me.

As much as people gets frustrated with me and I am with them, its simply means a time of rest is required.

And tis very moment, I am learning to rest and enjoy this rare moment of giving both God and myself a little time to ourselves.

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Jabez's Prayer

I should never have doubt God over words of men, how silly of me!



1 Chronicles 4:9-11 (Today’s New International Version, ©2005)

9 Jabez was more honorable than his brothers. His mother had named him Jabez,[a] saying, “I gave birth to him in pain.”

10 Jabez cried out to the God of Israel, “Oh, that you would bless me and enlarge my territory! Let your hand be with me, and keep me from harm so that I will be free from pain.” And God granted his request.

11 Kelub, Shuhah’s brother, was the father of Mehir, who was the father of Eshton.

Believe 2011

I had never taken it seriously, resolutions are merely empty talks in the wind... in reality its just things u know that will not happen; so what is the point of having it when it will only make u feel disappointed, upset, and frustrated?

I guess i really missed the point all together, i'm not sure if it was complacency or disappointment, but it did led me down the road that made me think God is so far out my reach that i no longer fit in any more. What i mean to say is, where has my hope gone? Where is my expectation of good?

Today God rememebered me; He sent a certain man to a certain disciple as encouragement, He sent a certain man to restore the smile on the certain disciple, He sent a certain man to bring that disciple home.

Today is a new day, today is a new year, today is a new beginning.

As like previous years, my church urged us to list 3 things that we want to SEE happen by the end of 2011. And this time i am taking it seriously, i am going to participate for my own sake, i am going to believe!

I want to believe in God again, i want to have faith in Him again.


1. Have faith in God, have expectation of good at all times.
KPI : Keep prayer list, give God his due credits!

2. Perfect Health
KPI : Healed from obesity, wear size 12 clothing.

3. To love the God sent life partner.
KPI: Stop being defensive.

God, you are omnipotent, i leave these 3 items in yr hands. I am not going to do anything, i will be waitng to see all this come to pass by end 2011. Thank you Lord in advance. In Jesus's name, Amen.

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親愛的Selina 我們等你回來

Numbers 23:19

“God is not a man, that He should lie, nor a son of man, that He should repent. Has He said, and will He not do? Or has He spoken, and will He not make it good?

bummed out…

Totally feeling bummed out… not sure if its the suitability of the scene or if i am jus whining too much… i dunno… but i do whining as much as i am breathing… is the job making me depress or i am making me depress?

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Translations

English to Vietnamese:

It has been such a long time, but yet i cannot forget the gentle breeze that brought my mind such liberation... a simple thought that helped to resolve a seemingly dead knot in my head... It is all in the mind, it is all about how we think.

Nó đã được như vậy một thời gian dài, nhưng tôi không thể nào quên được những làn gió nhẹ đã mang giải phóng tâm như vậy của tôi ... một ý nghĩ đơn giản đó đã giúp giải quyết một nút dường như đã chết trong đầu của tôi ... Đó là tất cả trong tâm, đó là tất cả về cách chúng ta nghĩ.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Vietnamese to English:

Nó đã được như vậy một thời gian dài, nhưng tôi không thể nào quên được những làn gió nhẹ đã mang giải phóng tâm như vậy của tôi ... một ý nghĩ đơn giản đó đã giúp giải quyết một nút dường như đã chết trong đầu của tôi ... Đó là tất cả trong tâm, đó là tất cả về cách chúng ta nghĩ.

It has been such a long time, but I can not forget the breeze brought liberation of my mind so ... a simple idea that helped solve a button seems to have died in my head ...It's all in the mind, it's all about the way we think.

Keepers

I consider myself as "old skool", I like to see ink on paper, and books should be in physical and tangible states where my fingers can run thru the cover to the pages within. I like the smell of colour faded papers, as of they have been kept their silence for years, waiting for people to uncover the treasure within its pages.

Books are not merely books, they are keepers that holds and protects... I have always loved books since young becos I know they are not merely pieces of paper that have been binded together. Words are descriptions of objects, scenarios, circumstances, people and ,of course, feelings & emotions... and all of these in general term = INFORMATION. Alternatively, I like to view such information as expressions of an individual.

If you come to know of a certain treasure map, and u can obtain in a relatively easy manner, would you want it? And if you have tis map on hand, what would you do with it? Will you go and get that treasure? Books are like treasure chests, tangible keepers that holds intangible treasures of knowledge & information, rumors & wisdom... and expressions...

直到你不找我

记得当时谁路过 

秒针忽然停顿过   

气温湿度曾骤变太多

记忆不停重叠过   

你的表情提示过    

爱的可能是我

想法很乱 幻觉太多    

疑虑很大直到说不清楚    

心算太慢 但仍然算错    

找对人   偏错过   

直到开始想喜欢我    

直到终于不喜欢我    

直到碰上一个   逃避一个
追不上 躲不过

直到开始找不到我  

直到终于不想找我    

直到你擦身过  才认得我    

彼此也在折磨    像当初  

想法太乱  直觉对么    

疑虑很大  直到爱不清楚    

当这世上  全怀疑我错    

总有人 相信我 

直到开始想喜欢我    

直到终于不喜欢我    

直到碰上一个 逃避一个   

追不上  躲不过

直到开始找不到我    

直到终于不想找我    

直到你擦身过  才认得我    

彼此也在折磨    

像当初。。。

投降?

关于人生这无耐，
我也不知所措。。。
此时也只能 无耐地。。。
被那无耐的无耐 无耐着。

我反复地问我自己
真的是束手无策吗?
还是为了掩饰自己放弃的借口?

是我没用。。。
这一关始终没能过，
也没能预测什么时才能过。
与其给自己希望不如坦白面对自己?
一个人 不可能自己单方面 解决问题，
即使只是一件。。。

Keep on believing...

Encouraged... truly encouraged...

明天以后

爱情总让人折磨
所以我们才选择做比情人更好的朋友
我对你感觉胜过爱情
因为有你给我勇气
给我用不完的运气

其实也想好好爱你
只怕到最后不小心让你伤心
对不起我对你再好再亲密都不能在一起
最后看你在别人怀里
有天我会找到我的唯一
还微笑祝福你

Strange vs weird

Once upon a time, an ex-colleague congratulated me for being strange but not weird, and further explained that it was a complement... he definitely left hammering questions marks on my head... until i heard that he was complained and "released" and sent for psychiatric evaluation a month later. Now thats another story for another time...

Recently, i concluded what he said is somewhat true; there is a difference in strange and weird.

Frankly, i am find with strange, but i dun think weird sits well with me... cos the dictionary.com definition says weird is on a equal level with EERIE.

Stay strange, keep away from weird...

Tired.

Dun u know?

You who does not, do not have the right to complain !

Bloody annoying idiot, get lost!

石康钧

As much as my frens do not like him,

i really cant get myself not to go search for his new EP.

I like his voice.

田馥甄 - 寂寞寂寞就好 (HQ 官方版MV)

Crash and burnt

I had to get this out of my system, and somewhere at the back of my mind, I wan to do this gracefully… God help me…

Ok, how should I put it? In simple words, they are “ I CANNOT TAKE IT ANY MORE! ” . I do not want to know anything, I do not want to analyze anything, I do not want to check all factors before deciding if I should charge myself as the guilty party just becos there is simply something I could have done and didn’t do which ended up in this mess! I am sick and tired of feeling whatever I do, it’s a wrong move, and whatever I do always results in a tragic emotional mess for the whole family. I am sick and tired of feeling sick and tired.

At work, I can work with the guidelines; there are objectives which I can work towards it. The project may be painful, but there is always an end to it. In a relationship, if it doesn’t works out, breaking up and steering clear of each other isn’t a hard to do, even if Singapore is a small place. But family, the one that sticks with you for life, the ones whom you cannot choose but automatically loves is not like a boyfriend of a husband that you can leave and walk out of.

Damn it! Why do I have to know that everyone in the family is feeling the same thing, yet we all are not standing on the same platform, same line, and same reference? Damn it! Why is it that the one with the knowledge has the same responsibility to initiate the flow? DAMN IT! WHERE IS GOD WHEN I NEED HIM?!

YES! I know I am blind with tears, blind with anger, and blind to see where God is and what he is doing, blind to only see that I am alone in this pit…Its been years that this is going on, and I swear I would have jumped off a building long ago. Years after years all matters were just buried over. Damn it when is it going to get resolved?! WILL IT EVER GET RESOLVED??? Like a haunting ghost, it keeps coming back… tell me how long will it take before I jump off the ledge or allow myself to just speed and crash.

I am burnt, is that too hard to understand?

You told me, if I dun wan my life any more, I can give to God, at least do some recycling. And I did. Then all the more the waves come are even stronger, more suffocating? Work we had overcome, relationships we too walked thru it, then why is the most impt family aspect still status quo?

I dun wan to hear anything encouraging, I dun wan to hear any consolations, in fact… I dun wan to hear anything. Can someone just untangle the bloody mess? Can you all just let me walk away… walk far far away…

TO GOD:

You are God, you are able and willing. I really dun care how or wat, I and gving you tis tangled mess to sort things out. You are my God, you look out for me. You settle this thing. I dun wan to be vexed or upset with this any more. I will steer clear, and keep out of sight. You settle… not just about this incident, You settle the problem at the root cause.