What did I do tdy???

療傷先要哭一場

“ 睡到一半 才覺醒療傷先要哭一場 對世界說謊 只把自己哄騙得更慘 ”

只記得當時是開著車子，眼淚不自覺地開始滑下臉頰，不受控制，無非阻擋，不停地流。。。
我才發現放一邊的傷口已經不能再放著了，傷口已惡化，發炎的程度已影響到別人。。。
有点已無法與任何人溝通。。。。。。

三更半夜。。。 想想想。。。想啥啊？

别只说我不乖不听话，我也拿自己没辙啊。。。
心里是多么迫切的想停下来，想要时间能暂停一下

停下了要做啥？
其实我也不知道，只知道自己常常没法跟上这世界的脚步
感觉好想做自己，但又不知道自己是啥样。。。或哪个是自己。。。

好像一直都是这样。。。
记忆中，我也没有什么大的欲望。。。多数是小事，在爸爸妈妈的能力范围之内
拿不到的就也没多想，自己都会想办法把模样改装成能用能玩的。。。

有人说我是一艘快艇，能晨风作浪无穷的潜力
但可惜的是没有目的地，
就因为没有目的地，潜能也是屋用武之地。。。
浪费 浪费

但我真的觉得人生不应该以赚几桶金来做生命的意义！
我也不是想追求单单的幸福，因为它很脆弱
于是我想自己需要的是智慧。。。
只有智慧能告诉我什么是值得追求。。。

在此刻我真心的觉得，值得追求的是只有他！
一艘那么棒的船，没人就等于没有旅程
人会上船通常是为了从A点到B点，
没人用的船就被绑在码头等待下一个的旅程。

所以我的他是耶稣，
因为他爱我，他绝对不会带我到一个伤害我的地方
我相信他，他所做的一切都是为我好！
因为他爱我！

Monuments

I finally understand why ppl in the earlier times erect monuments? I am really blessed to have the opportunity to visit the land where Jesus walked and live, and in most of my sight visits mentions of erecting a physical monument were an outstanding impression. When Jacob was running from Esau, he had a dream and in it God spoke to him. Then there he made a monument and anointed it with oil!

I often thought to myself, if things are that impt, then you naturally wouldn't forget it, else u write it down... Why build a monument ??? Are ppl that forgetful?

The revelation is YES, humans are... At least I know from my own experiences... We can be forgetful and be ungrateful all too easily...

I want to remember God, to be conscious of Him all the time... I was to remember that He cares for me and takes care of me... When I am hungry, He provides me with food, when I am feeling low He gets the radio to play my favorite songs and sends ppl to talk to me. When I feel I am in trouble, He saves me and rectify the situation! Most of all, I want to remember how much He loves me and care for me...

Therefore...

God, thank you for yr love... Yr deep deep love for me! I dun want to forget You or Your love for me or Yr infinite ability/capabilities in an any moment of my life. I want to capture every little thing in this humble blog, and anoint this website to be a monument for u and of u!

Thank you God, Thank you Jesus, Thank you Holy Spirit! Thank you for loving me from before I was born to the end of time!

In Jesus's name, amen!

红酒的错

快要凌晨三点 ，精神百倍的我还在望着平板电脑打字。。。

喝着这红酒，心里有一种感触，一种说不出的感触。。。

在别人的口中它是一杯果香味十足的好红酒， 怎么在我口中只感觉到浓浓的酒精味儿？

是我的问题吗？
为什么总是跟大家不一样？
不一样的事物通常是被排挤的，不讨人喜欢的，不让人接受的。。。

别人都拼了命要不一样，但我这无聊人却。。。

I'm back!

Half way point between midnight and day break time, the impractical me is actually fantasizing on which activity to chooses should I wake up real early like 7 am... Its really great to be able wake up super early and have an "extra" half day... But its definitely a bummer to get out a comfortable bed that feels that the world is much more beautiful. Dun u feel like rolling your eyes? Ok, go ahead and roll... I can't see it any way... :x

I am just that kind of impractical and super ironic person... Someone I know of simply hates it :P

I've been told that I should be realistic, if I fun mean it then dun waste time on it...truthfully it was only my way to unwinding my thinking any things "freely & creatively"... It beats thinking hand considering all factors on other stuffs... Trust me, my mind is working in the extreme zones; it's either in the best of times or in the darkest hour location.

*Disclaimer: I am just rambling nonsensically; if u want to shake head, pls do so in a manner without hurting yourself or ppl around u... Else, dun read my blog... No see = no angry = nothing happen : )

Enjoy whatever's left of the weekend, and have a great week ahead... What the hack... Have a better one than me ya?!!

Cheers!

iPad doodling

My first doodle...

More than just a bad day...

Its not just another bad day, its just i am bad... No idea if i was a rotten apple all along or somewhere sometime in the past i changed. I am a lousy person, breathing and wasting precious oxygen... I know i am not a good friend shld be, but i did try... And i did failed. My stupid non functioning memory, blur double booking me, and the moody who run and hides are my winning formula to my epic failure. I let her down once before, choosing my work and not being able to fulfill the wedding planner which i promised to be. And now... The price of failure, and cost of taking things for granted is the loss of a friend, a damn good one... who no longer considers me a friend no more... Its more than just a bad day... Work is not going as well, sabotages come one after another, colleagues getting upset at me, frustrated at not able to express myself, nothing is right... Its like a dark cloud crept up on me and engulf me, now everywhere i turn or look i hate what i see... myself! Dear God, What is it that is going on? All i know is i messed up, messed up big time too... Can you help? Can you fix this? Please, can you help me and fix this mess and let things go back to the days where we all are happy... Fix me too! i dun wan any of this to happen again... Please!

starry starry Night

baby breath

Blessed birthday!

依靠

人說

＂靠樹 樹會倒， 靠人 人會跑＂

我說

＂哇靠！

 樹可不可以不倒， 人可不可以不跑？

 因為。。。 我想依靠你。。。

Tree

Nap Dream Fright

It wasnt a nitemare to begin with, cos it was an evening nap and it really wasnt horrific... Its something that the mind conjurs up, from memory, in a random manner... But still, my heart was pounding hard, the fear was puzzlingly overwhelming...

As usual, my dreams where hopping like a grasshopper... From one scene to another, totally unrelated totally random! I guess the only part of the dream i rememebered were conversations between myself to myself *hee* my tots lah not i siao siao talking to myself aloud lah,as i was conversing w A via msging, and a grp conversation between A & B & myself.

The first part was abt conversation w A on asking if he was interested in going somewhere, impression being a place tat is rather far judging from my disappointment when he replied that he is already there... And cant rem the rest of the converesation... Then i was in a car, driving alone to somewhere, dark quiet narrow road area, passing some lights. It pretty much looks like none city area, cos more plants then concrete sardines...

Then i was in the room, i assume i had driven, arrived at my destination and made my way into the room. There was some sort of display or screen showing, not wat it was... Then next thing i know, i found myself in a ridiculously high place, like those playgrounds made up was steel poles in big cube like form, except it was so high up that i cant see the ground. There were 3 of us, A & B & me... Sitting on top, not moving, and as i saw the high, i was very concern and limited my movement immediately. I had no idea why, but i had alot of stuffs with me; 2 mobiles and some other electronic items. I suddenly l fumbled and dropped one of my mobiles, and it went down down down...

Then the conversation came, starting with someone saying i should havent have brought it up, now its gone for good. But i wasnt concern, all i did was " ah... Nevermind". Somehow, thought in such a situation, my comfort was the presence of A. I remember saying, so long A is ard, i feel safe or something of sort. With that i woke up, then following w a wave of fear and rapid beating of the heart.

Not sure wat was B doing there thought, my guess is becos saw him recently alittle too much... Wakakakaka...  I cant help but think the whole dream was more of A and me, cos only we were interacting, more like the main dream and B was the cameo... So sorry B! Wahahahaha...

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Outta tis world

As always, the question remains...

Moon after moon and years after years... Where do i belong?!! Like an awkward puzzle piece, sticking out like a sore thumb!

The only consolation is that i am a puzzle piece, and definitely do belong somewhere... Just dunno where... Wherever it is, dun think its here... It jus hurts too much...

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Hunger Games

A movie touted by many as the must watch of the year, encouraged my bunch of friends to catch it on a perfectly good Saturday night. All I can say after a night or tot, I dun really like the show...

1. I do not appreciate trilogies, and wat I saw last night was nothing more than an incomplete movie.

2. My first words were "its pathetic"; its nothing but a show, all in all from front to end, inside out, on and off is nothing but a show. Whether its the audiences in the movie, or the contestants in the games, or the game master... Its just speaks of a pathetic world.

3. The movie is another wannabe to run in the ranks for trilogies, money spinning tool...

I might have a diff view if it wasnt a trilogy :P

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Waking up in an early morning

Havent been feeling well for a long time, and the gastric pain seems to be on to me since yesterday... In pain and with no choice i fell into zzz land as early as 8pm, plus minus lah... I am beginning to believe, so long i have good and undisturbed rest, i can only stay asleep for 8hrs consecutive hrs straight... Before i get bored and wake up... Like now... Ah boh who will blog at 5am in the morning???

Well, all i can say that Good Friday is a Good Good day! Its definitely a good sign, a good good sign on starting anew on a Good Friday!

Todays will mark my beginning to play a more proactive role in loosing of my unwanted extra weight now. Though i am really flat on my back from the gastric and backache, i sincerely hope i will still be able to go play the 2 rounds of badminton.

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不知道從幾何時......

不知道是什麼時候我已不再愛他了,

好像放下了沉重的行李似的,

有著又輕鬆又好像有點空的複雜感覺

1996年 我們結識, 到了那年底我們就在一起了...

在一起後 然後吵架不聯絡分手, 分手後 又復合, 復合後又分手.

我記得最后一次的復合

我還以為我們終於了解我們要的是什麼,

更是明白和接受與忍讓彼此...

我真的沒想到我竟會有那麼大的勇氣來支持我的理性...

16年了... 我愛了你16年後, 終於放下了...

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God is Good... without a doubt!

I believe in Jesus, i believe in His name, I believe in this death and the payment for my sins. I believe in His ressurrection, I believe in his finished works, I believe! I believe God is a merciful God, I believe He cherishes life more than us humans does, i believe He is kind, and most of all, He is ABLE! I believe when i pray, God will hear me, I believe God answers prayers! I believe Uncle is whole and well, I believe Uncle is bless and guard with angels around, I believe what Uncle is going through, is the devil's last struggle. I believe victory is already here! I believe Uncle will be a great testimony, and most of all, an encourage to his son... His son is my boss :) In Jesus's most precious name, AMEN!

Lonely

You are not alone
I am here with you
Even when you're scared
I'll never leave you
Standing in a storm

Making it insane
Once again, I would try
To enchain you
But you open your eyes to the sky
and whisper

That you are so lonenly
You are so alone
You're so alone
You're so lonely, so lonely

So I'm colouring my face
While I am here with you
Imagining the landscape of your sorrow
Is it yellow or blue?

Colouring the sky, and the trees
and the clouds, and the moonlight
I'd coloured your heart
If you didn't I did

And I wish you could just find home