不知道是什麼時候我已不再愛他了,
好像放下了沉重的行李似的,
有著又輕鬆又好像有點空的複雜感覺
1996年 我們結識, 到了那年底我們就在一起了...
在一起後 然後吵架不聯絡分手, 分手後 又復合, 復合後又分手.
我記得最后一次的復合
我還以為我們終於了解我們要的是什麼,
更是明白和接受與忍讓彼此...
我真的沒想到我竟會有那麼大的勇氣來支持我的理性...
16年了... 我愛了你16年後, 終於放下了...
You are not alone
I am here with you
Even when you're scared
I'll never leave you
Standing in a storm
Making it insane
Once again, I would try
To enchain you
But you open your eyes to the sky
and whisper
That you are so lonenly
You are so alone
You're so alone
You're so lonely, so lonely
So I'm colouring my face
While I am here with you
Imagining the landscape of your sorrow
Is it yellow or blue?
Colouring the sky, and the trees
and the clouds, and the moonlight
I'd coloured your heart
If you didn't I did
And I wish you could just find home
Steady people desire to keep their environment from changing. They have a consistent work performance. They accommodate others. They get along well with others because they are flexible in their attitude. They may not say anything if they disagree just to keep peace, however they seem to find a way to get what they want. They are moderate and controlled. They are modest. They like to help others, make good counselors and are great listeners. They can speak on an intellectual level and prefer quiet discussions with one or two people. They build close relationships with a small group of friends. They like to maintain familiar and predictable patterns. They are consistent in accomplishing work. If they receive appreciation, they maintain a high level of performance. They may need help when starting a new project. They like to feel comfortable with anything new before actually starting it. They enjoy something in writing so they can refer to it. They ask, they don't tell. They want answers to their "HOW" and "WHEN" questions.
Sleep is like a virtual journey; before you drift into it, you are on your bed in your home… The moment you close your eyes, you are teleported to where your mind brings you… It like you have been beamed out of your body into somewhere your unconscious mind committee decides to place you…
You can bring nothing in or anything out… with bare hands you enter, and with bare hands you leave… you only have what your mind has been impressed with… and most of these times, you find that they are lost as the journey ends… with no re-collection of how or any remembrance at all…
I usually lost my anger in my sleep… though i never enter sleep while in anger, but i may enter with regret, guilt, disappointments or even high spirited optimism… it usually gets misplaced when i awake… The most recent encounter of mine was a fearless spirit that was going to shake grounds and conquer the world… but i had awoken to laughed at myself… for being silly and impractical… doesn't it sound sad?
I understand that there are good and bad here… its just the unsure me speaking rite now…
When it seems that you've prayed 'til your strength is all gone,
and your tears fall like raindrops all day long
Jesus cares and He knows just how much you can bear
He'll speak your name to someone in prayer
Have the clouds 'round you gathered in the midst of a storm
Is your ship tossed and battered Are you weary and worn
Don't lose hope someone's praying for you this very day
And peace be still is already on the way
Someone is praying for you
someone is praying for you
And when it seems you're all alone, and your heart would break in two
remember someone is praying for you.
“The question isnt whether its true,
the question is if its working for you …”
This is the first two lines of a song by All Star United, and even though i love their songs, it didn't leave any mind blowing impressions those days where i listen to the CD over and over again…
But this time round, it did…
The songs i dug out, used to be my fav cos they sound alit retro billy bomber style type of music…
The moment i played the song again, these lyrics came to me like a tidal wave hitting the shores… so refreshing and so unforgettable!
Someone once said that i have been too obsessed with trying to do things the right way, the correct way…
But now it suddenly dawned one me, if its working for me…
Facts will be facts and the only reason why i want it right becos i want it to work for me…
Well if it doesn't, then what purpose does it serve me now?
So i ask thee again:
“THE QUESTION ISNT WHETHER ITS TRUE,
THE QUESTION IS IF ITS WORKING FOR YOU???”
作为人类的一分子，对于自己也很迷惑。。。
一时 我们可以英勇奋战，赴汤蹈火 两肋插刀 在所不辞！
但下一秒，可以被琐碎的小事而尖叫不已。。。
试着相像这个画面。。。
有一位英勇豪杰，不只战胜了东海龙王 还将它驯服了
村里的人也因此设宴十天十夜，就为凯旋归来的大英雄。
但是，当他一踏进村里。。。
便看到一只飞行式的蟑螂正奔向他，
而他当场被吓得三魂不见七魄，
惊吓得整整好几天才能把心跳抚平下来！
这故事是夸张了一点。。。
对，我不是一位屠龙英雄
但我此时脑海里的画面，就是如此！
不然，我只有一个结论！
那就是。。。
我根本就不勇敢！
其实自己的内心根本一点勇气也没有，
这一切的一切都只是一场烟雾弹，
一场骗了别人 也骗了自己的烟雾弹！
仔细想想，
过去所谓的勇气啊 勇敢啊
好像都不是我的。。。
常常挂在我身上的胆
大部分是跟上帝借的，
其余就应该属于冲动和无知了吧！
至少，我是这样想的吧。。。
大多的人看到我，以为我就是那么勇敢无敌
就因为这样，大家对我的期许也就是这样。。。
渐渐的 我对自己的期许也变得跟大家一样了
大家，对不起了。。。
我并无以欺骗你们，
因为我也被骗了，
这场误会可说是误会大了！
到底是我骗了你们，
还是你们骗了我，
还是我骗了我自己
我看 也不重要了
我们就重新开始吧
你说好吗？
^ _ ^
I used to really hate the advert on the cable, the one that kept singing “Love life…Love yr life…” its really something that annoyed me to the core with a literal intense hatred…
And today, i sat here thinking… and thinking… and thinking… i decided that i want it back… i want to be happy, and i want to do the things i like and not be restricted by time or by what i can or cannot, what i should or should not… Stacy is right, with proper planning, anything is possible… almost anything but not everything… BUT STILL.. its ALMOST…
I want to do my reading again, i want to read both english and chinese, i want to read novels and non-fictions, no more silly thinking that with the little time i have i should spend it on something “better”.
I want to try to spill my guts again, i want to find my humor again, i want to find my perspectives again, i want to not be afraid to know what i want without fearing that i will not have a shot at it…
I want to take up ukulele without the guilt of already spend the x amount of $ on guitar lessons, i want to go to cafes and sit there and stare into space with my mind spinning stories or ideas…
I WANT TO BE ALIVE AGAIN!!!
*Not sure if its the caffeine giving me this rush of adrenaline, but i like to say … I LOVE MY VANILLA LATTE WITH CINAMMON!!! :P
And i also want to say…
…
…
…
I love you.
