Well, its the first blog of the year 2006, there is so much in my heart that i have no idea where to start.
The start of this blog shld have been some nice journals of pics that i took while i was in Hanoi, but i guess i am really not in the mood to do tat type of blog rite now...
Cos i started the very first few hrs of the new year pretty much in tears and my mood was as grey as the sky in Hanoi. i started to speak less to him, and somehow i find myself unable to look him in the eye. I did not ask him, cos i did not want an answer from him. I really am not interested at any answer or explanation at that pt of time. The brief statement with explanation that sparked off my uneasiness cos my heart to be more restless. I was really afraid, very afraid... and i am still afraid.
When i finally returned to SG, i told myself tat it all might had just been a tot too much on my end. It may very well be a misunderstanding all together on my part. I told myself that i believe in him, and i will. But the heaviness was getting unbearable. Finally i told everything to my Best Bud, and she reprimanded me. I shld have questioned him, i shld have demand and explanation, and most of all i shldnt be speculating on my own... cos it wont be fair to him. I only have one answer to all these shld have... i am afraid tat my worst fears might be the truth. And we jus sat together in silence.
***Lord Jesus, i am placing this matter in yr hands now. i dun wanna it back.
I dunno wat to expect, but i know that leaving it in yr hands is the best option i have.
Let your peace sooth the fear and tears in me,
let yr love jus flood over me that i will keep my tot and worries far from me over tis.
I dun wanna be bogged down by tis any more.
In your ways Lord, pls resolve it for me.
In the name of Jesus Christ, i ask and pray.
Amen. ***
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