小孩子

我们常常抱怨 在父母的眼里 自己永远都是个小孩子，
但是我们也常常享受着扮演着那爸妈眼里永远的小孩子！

我们时不时会向自己的爸爸妈妈撒娇，
享受着他们的爱护，
享受着他们给与我们的温暖拥抱，
享受着他们给与我们的一切！

Hmm...???

Sometimes i wonder if anyone believed me on my thoughts, feeling or even my perspectives...
I seldom have the need for ppl to agree with on issues that are impt to me,
but if that competitiveness is aroused then the debator looking for fun is all out ... Unleashed!

But i do have to admit that it has MIA over the last dunno how many years...
From the time i was so upset and confined to Enoch that i shall stop speaking.
Though from his lips came the sweetest thing,
"It will be the world's loss if u hold yr words"...
But it did not stopped me from proceeding so...
Nvm... that's besides the point...

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疗伤

疗伤有时候像是在伤口上撒盐;
听来残忍无比 相似被折磨般的酷刑,
但又有谁知道伤口抹盐有益于消毒 ?
并有助于愈合那伤到不能伤的伤口 ?

五月天-溫柔(live版)

人类说简单， 不简单！

作为人类的一分子，对于自己也很迷惑。。。

一时 我们可以英勇奋战，赴汤蹈火 两肋插刀 在所不辞！
但下一秒，可以被琐碎的小事而尖叫不已。。。

试着相像这个画面。。。
有一位英勇豪杰，不只战胜了东海龙王 还将它驯服了
村里的人也因此设宴十天十夜，就为凯旋归来的大英雄。

但是，当他一踏进村里。。。
便看到一只飞行式的蟑螂正奔向他，
而他当场被吓得三魂不见七魄，
惊吓得整整好几天才能把心跳抚平下来！

这故事是夸张了一点。。。
对，我不是一位屠龙英雄
但我此时脑海里的画面，就是如此！

不然，我只有一个结论！

那就是。。。
我根本就不勇敢！
其实自己的内心根本一点勇气也没有，
这一切的一切都只是一场烟雾弹，
一场骗了别人 也骗了自己的烟雾弹！

仔细想想，
过去所谓的勇气啊 勇敢啊
好像都不是我的。。。
常常挂在我身上的胆
大部分是跟上帝借的，
其余就应该属于冲动和无知了吧！

至少，我是这样想的吧。。。

大多的人看到我，以为我就是那么勇敢无敌
就因为这样，大家对我的期许也就是这样。。。
渐渐的 我对自己的期许也变得跟大家一样了

大家，对不起了。。。
我并无以欺骗你们，
因为我也被骗了，
这场误会可说是误会大了！

到底是我骗了你们，
还是你们骗了我，
还是我骗了我自己
我看 也不重要了
我们就重新开始吧

你说好吗？

^ _ ^

今早

今天天气不错哦，
虽然有乌云, 但还是始终无法阻挡照耀光明温暖人心的阳光!
尽管乌云再多，或气候再怎么恶劣，
太阳和蓝天始终没离开过!
就如我们眼前正被莫事挑战着，
就像那乌云暂时遮掩着太阳和蓝天一样,
事件 心情都会过去，
只要相信，不放弃，
我们始终还是会幸福，还是会快乐!

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I want it back…

I used to really hate the advert on the cable, the one that kept singing “Love life…Love yr life…” its really something that annoyed me to the core with a literal intense hatred…

And today, i sat here thinking… and thinking… and thinking… i decided that i want it back… i want to be happy, and i want to do the things i like and not be restricted by time or by what i can or cannot, what i should or should not… Stacy is right, with proper planning, anything is possible… almost anything but not everything… BUT STILL.. its ALMOST…

I want to do my reading again, i want to read both english and chinese, i want to read novels and non-fictions, no more silly thinking that with the little time i have i should spend it on something “better”.

I want to try to spill my guts again, i want to find my humor again, i want to find my perspectives again, i want to not be afraid to know what i want without fearing that i will not have a shot at it…

I want to take up ukulele without the guilt of already spend the x amount of $ on guitar lessons, i want to go to cafes and sit there and stare into space with my mind spinning stories or ideas…

I WANT TO BE ALIVE AGAIN!!!

*Not sure if its the caffeine giving me this rush of adrenaline, but i like to say … I LOVE MY VANILLA LATTE WITH CINAMMON!!! :P

And i also want to say…

…

…

…

I love you.

变。。。 变？ 变！

有人说过 “有变化 才有成长，有进步”

这让我一度觉得我不可以一天到晚都一样！                                       
但后来觉得好像也不是这样吧。。。

其实我也发现，一成不变的生活已没有那么可怕。。。                      
在某种程度上，它也有自己的安全感

这两年来，应该是我人生中最短的时间里变化地最多的一次吧

因为辞去了长达八年半快要九年的工作，开始了我不一样的人生；      
也可以算是有一点点预料到的选哲。。。

朋友也说我变了很多，有变好的也有变不太好的

人事物和环境会不停地改变，让我有种喘不过气来的压迫感，让我身心都精疲力尽。。。
我真得有点跟不上，有点想放弃了

现在，只能一步一步来。。。虽然我不喜欢计划，计划也不太喜欢我；
但我的每一天好像是在跟着一个蓝图走着。。。

最美妙的是，上帝又在疼爱 照顾我这没用的东西。。。
真的除了耶稣的恩典，我再也想不到任何理由或解释了！

感谢上帝！

Dinner tonight

It was great having some company tonight, it was even better that these were some of my fav ppl to hang out and chill out with, even though we may not have much words to say to each other… The company is just comfortable, they are the ones i feel really relaxed without having to keep talking…

Things dod not turn out the way i like to, but i have no complains… cos i was at ease… Just hope that they din feel too bored or the food not to their taste… din tell them why i cooked those dishes, but i know can liaoz…

The seafood miso soup, which i think is quite healthy, was becos of the halved shell scallops i have which i really wanted to make for them. Miso is supposing to be good for the body, so i thought it would be kinda healthy for them to consume. Then the mixed veggie dish is stir fried Portobello mushrooms with peas and carrots and plenty of onion… the twist here is to do a creamed tasting sauce, some sort of fusion style… Portobello mushroom is considered a protein, and is good for both of them cos one is going gym now and the other really need to gain some nutrients! Needless to say, the peas are actually for the colour and any veg is good fiber for body rite?! The the carrots are well know to be good for vitamin A…. which is good for eyes. The tomato omelette has the virtues of tomato and eggs… tomatoes are good for you and the eggs are also protein based with good aroma and flavour! Last but not least, under the request for plenty of meat, i whipped up a chicken bulgogi which is really spicy with a sting due to the korean pepper paste… forgot to put sugar again… sigh!

I really sucked at cooking chinese food… :P

Not to forget, there was also a simple dessert! Ice cream in stick form! Though i cannot eat, but i am glad they can! : )

Ahh… dunno if its becos of TFZ lasts album, i really feel i wanna say this out loud: I LOVE YOU GUYS!!! : )  *hugz*

Thoughts

真得很妙。。。应为一个人的一句话，我认识了三位又可爱又无理头的小妹妹们，之后更认识了一群又一群的“同道中人”，再来又认识了这些同道中人的朋友们。。。  And the cycle goes on。。。 isnt it amazing?!!

So, these trio is my fren making avenues, they are also my getaway portal… whenever i need to be distracted or refusing to be in reality, they are the ones i throw myself into… going thru their videoz, youtubes, music etc… Its really efficient!

However, looking at them make me feel emotional at times… cos i see myself wasting time when they are working so hard to treasure time and cherishing the present… what the freaking am i doing???

There is so much thoughts in my head, but i refused to blog it down… not jus becos i am not sure if i want ppl to know, but also becos once i put in words i have to acknowledge the situation and whatever that is knotted in my mind and heart.

I find myself very contradicting, all the thoughts leading from one end to another… i am just a very confused person who just live one day to another and not having anything goal or plans for this life… Planning is just like making resolutions, the common entity is the end result… it never happens.

These few days been great, at least i am starting to feel relaxed… to the extend that i really attempted to not go to work… Every morning i have a long conversation with myself, debating to go or not to go to work… which ended up as me late for work :X Living like this is horrible, 对不起父母 & 家人 & 朋友 更对不起 自己！

All these answers in my head and not manifesting in actions, what am i waiting for??? Waiting for my miracle?

忠于自己

有个朋友常常说我，说我事事太在意对或错。。。                            在每一个解定，在不一样的观点时对于错也就变得不一定了；

对的可以是错的，错的也可能是对的。。。就是在于角度的问题罢了。。。 而我又为何那么的在意，那么的执著？

但是，真的有那么的简单吗？

如果我因为要忠于自己，而不顾我周围的感受，那不是很自私吗？

- 茅盾的我，快要喘不过气得我，想放弃的我

Silly me

Did something very silly and reputation tarnishing today, refusing to go work, called in sick and re-schedule a presentation cum demo which seems like gum that its stuck on me… Its a low fruit picking, tremendously simple deal to close… so says my boss…

Inside of the office, instead of the client’s premise, i run away… i ran away to the airport…

On the way to airport, at the flying speed of over 100km/h, an impulse of leaving was overwhelming me… looking at the plane climbing its altitude, looking at it leaving, a super duper bright light bulb lit up! It suddenly dawn on me that buying and air ticket and getting on a plane to run away is a very easy thing to do!

But silly me… i still cant…

海枯石烂

這幾天你在那個城市　
天氣一定晴朗
因為你就是個太陽

有空想念我的話　
就稍信來說晚安
讓夢裡星光燦爛

別再　擔心我瘦了　
別把我寵壞
只要　你平安回來
就夠浪漫

這幾天沒有你在
當然有些平淡孤單
但我感謝這孤單

讓我更加確定你是我缺少的那一半
完成我的那一半

﹡不怕明天的世界　會變成怎樣
每天看見你笑臉　我就心安
不管外面的世界　想變成怎樣
我們還有我們的　小小天堂　
喔

我有你放在心上　
生命就有了重量
風來也不會飄盪

一起看海枯石爛
一起等地老天荒
慢慢愛　不慌不忙

我有你守在身旁
眼睛就可以勇敢
看歲月怎麼漫長

就算真海枯石爛
就算已地老天荒
還相愛　就沒遺憾
不遺憾