No idea

Was reading my blog, since I really have no idea wat I want to do, its sort of a waste of time but then that’s not the point here. I came across one blog which I dun think anyone of u are able to read as well. It was coded in one of those Chinese fonts, which I have no idea I can make it readable again. Guess I had written that when I was really upset and not check if the blog went through.

For now, I guess it wouldn’t really matter any more I guess. What’s been lost is lost, wat is past is past, and wat matters is NOW! I have made my choices and I know wat I am playing with, so I decided not to play.

Ppl always say wat goes ard comes ard, and I only experienced that lately. Its not that I’m not up to it to play this game, but I really have no idea how I shld react. I guess at some level it did hit something inside of me, something impt.

It was a simple childish thing that I shldnt be bothered with, like being made fun of by pairing me up with another single guy. I’m not really bothered with those teasing, but it has really made me feel awkward. I have no idea how I shld react and therefore, I keep still and keep quiet. Another taboo was that the other victim, other than me, is a business associate. So, I am really sort of at loss at the situation, fearing it might do damage to my representation image of my company. At another level, I really hope to befriend him, cos he is living in an area near me. I tend to befriend ppl who live near me cos it would be easier for me to meet them up, especially I have those instantaneous / spontaneous spirit. Those who know me, are aware and respond almost immediately to my phone call to chill out at some coffee place or tea drinking hangouts and even supper spots. I guess this may be the one friend that I cant befriend… teasing/gossips are really damaging.

But on the other hand I am really afraid that something might be wrong here. I have been alone for so long, it was an unconscious choice that I made and it has sabotage a few possible relationships. Yea, I do want to some company, but then I dun think I can handle it. Its sad isn’t it.

There is this someone whom I will never forget and he who will always have a special place in my heart. No matter wat happened, it happened and I have let those go… I do love him still, but I will not condone what he has done. Therefore, I have made my choice to love him from a distance, without him knowing. Loving him is my choice and I have chosen to do it quietly and independently.

I love you, but I do not want you to know,
Cos I know you wont cherish it.
I have forgiven you, but I do not want you to know,
Lest we walk back the same path again.
I will never forget you, cos I do not know how.
But I will never want to cross path with you.
Don’t say you are sorry, cos I know you dun mean it.
Just leave things they are, everything is fine now.
At least I think am fine now, with this arrangement.